Coming Out of Left Field

Monday, September 13, 2004

Cafe complaint

Dear Renee's in Somerville,

Some small requests for the next time I come for brunch:

1. When I sit down, please come take my beverage order within five minutes. If you can't do that, please don't come to the table, ask for my meal order, then tell me that you can't take my meal order unless I've ordered a beverage first from someone else. If you make me order my beverage from someone else, please don't let me see you pouring coffee for another party.

2. If you have eggs Benedict on the menu, please use real hollandaise sauce.

3. If you can't avoid using fake hollandaise sauce on your eggs Benedict, please at least bring the food within an hour of my sitting down.

4. If you absolutely must take an hour to bring our order, please make sure the food's hot when it gets there.

5. If you can't conceive of any way to deliver hot, reasonably tasty food in a reasonable amount of time, please expect to get an unreasonably small tip -- and do *not* expect a return visit.

Regards,

An unhappy customer

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Comments:
Nothing unreasonable about *no* tip in that case. That's not service, that's the opposite of service.
 

I was tempted, believe me. But by the time the check came we just wanted to leave, and getting change would've meant even more waiting. It's the "with all deliberate speed" style of customer service.
 

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