Coming Out of Left Field

Friday, June 10, 2005

Managerial memo

To: All starting pitchers on the "Go Sox!" fantasy baseball roster
From: Soxfan
Subject: Recent performance

Dear Pitchers,

Today, as is my habit before the weekend games, I reviewed the team's performance over the past week. Since Yahoo presents the batters' stats above those of the pitchers, I naturally examined their numbers first. I made a few minor adjustments, but was overall quite happy with their production as of late.

Then I turned to the pitchers' stats. Immediately, two columns stood out: wins and ERA. It was disheartening to find that seven starting pitchers came up with a paltry four wins combined, only three of which count. (Mr. Halladay, my apologies -- it was my oversight that caused you to be on the bench the day you pitched.)

More troubling than that, though, were the earned run average numbers put up by said pitchers. Yes, it is true that the first-place team, the NY Crankees, had some issues with ERA as well. But none of their starters had an ERA above 8; our team has three (yes, you, Mr. Clement, Mr. Vázquez, and Mr. Mulder).

I may sound harsh, but my intent is not to lay the blame on any of your shoulders. After all, this is a team, and the buck (virtual or otherwise) must stop with the manager. I also understand that this is a long season, with inevitable ups and downs. Keeping all this in mind, I am not about to make any hasty changes just for the sake of change.

However, I am bound to inform you that, since I am not only the manager but also the general manager of this team, I will be closely monitoring the situation. I would sincerely hope that your own professionalism and sense of responsiblity would be sufficient motivation to improve on your recent performances. It is only my own responsibility that requires me to remind you that this is a four-team league, with a large pool of free agents who would welcome the chance to play for one of those teams.

I hope you will consider these remarks in the spirit in which they were intended. As always, my door is open for comments and suggestions, pertaining to this matter or any other issues you may have.


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