The Guinea Pig Dialogues, part 18 of an ongoing series)

An approximation of an actual "conversation" that happened the other day, just after I opened the dishwasher:

Haver the guinea pig: Squeak.
Me: No, sweetie, I'm just doing the dishes.
Haver: Squeak squeak.
Me: Haver ...
Haver: Squeak squeak squeak.
Me: Haver, there's no lettuce in here.
Haver: Squeak squeak squeak!
Me: Haver, this is the dishwasher. This has always been the dishwater. It is *not* the small white lettuce box.
Haver: SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK! Squeeaalllllll!
Me: Honey, could you please get him some lettuce?

It's debatable who's sillier -- the guinea pig, for assuming the dishwasher is a lettuce box, and me, for trying to convince him otherwise.